About Me

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of drudgery, it was the age of ruthlessness, it was the era of single lady clowns, it was the era of sexy time, there were seasons of Kardashians , seasons of Teen Mom, it was the spring of killer tans, it was the winter of vitamin D deficiency, we had All- American before us, we had dead fucking last before us, we were all going directly to Heaven, some were going directly the other way, this period is unlike any before it, even the crankiest grandmas and emo-est teens, could agree, for good or for evil, this is the pinnacle, it all goes down from here.

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Prinsoner's Dilemma

Many viewers have been touched by the difficulties ex convicts face in movies like The Shawshank Redemption. "Like, that would suck SO bad! You wouldn't know what clothes to wear!" How does a man live in the free world when he's been trained in the prison system for years? Well guess what: Us college students face this problem as well approximately 2 times a year.

1) We attend an "institution". That lumps us in with prisoners. There's a reason that Father Leahy doesn't "let the inmates run the asylum"

2) I feel lost without the structure of scheduled exercise time (thanks to Warden RT) and designated meals that are given to  me. Where are my dining hall corn muffins?! I have been living on Lean Cuisines and laughing cow cheese--

3) I no longer have mandatory work to do, I would say that pounding out history papers somewhat parallels laying bricks or stamping license plates. At the airport I felt an urge to stimulate my mind and buy a book on behavior economics, but since Hudson News didn't have this title in stock, I fell back on the next best option: Cosmopolitan.

4) I'm going to draw a comparison here to Tim Robbins's character. After working for eons and eons to dig his way out of the prison wall with a metal spoon, I felt similar after my hours of caffeine-fueled studying for my last final. When I finally escaped Fulton Hall on Monday, December 20th, I truly understood the euphoria of emerging from the sewage system and tunnels of poop into the free world

What happens now? I know not. I hope I do not end up like the old man hanging from the railing. Though I lack the social nuances and structured lifestyle to forge a purpose for myself in the next few months, I think sitting on my ass and watching more Netflix will serve me well in my blogging duties. I hope I will not let down our readers for lack of movie references and analogies.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Redundant Pandora Ads

If you spend enough time on Pandora, You will notice that they cycle through a limited number of audio advertisements. These are not targeted at specific audiences, as I have noticed through my stations based on Bob Dylan, DMX, the Jackson 5, Movie Scores, and 90's club music. Some of our favorites:

  • McCafe--Treat yourself to sweet cappuchinos, lattes, and more!
This one is pretty accurate, of course I like 90's trance/dance music AND have an infatuation with drugs. Pandora recognizes that caffeine is the most accessible and I can get my fix for only $1.79 at my local McDonald's
  • You've just won 250 free business cards from VistaPrint! 
How did my thumbs up to the song "X Gon' Give it to ya'" indicate that I need 250 free business cards? My proficiency in the career field of Fucking Shit Up is known merely by word of mouth
  • Among those who consider a heavy snowfall in Ski country a sick day? You're one of us. Boston.com
Ok, they've got me here. I go to school in Boston. Where are they getting this information from?! Google?! My account on Pornhub.com?

Little Girls Room-quote of the day

Though I do not have adequate experience in men's bathrooms to pass judgment on whatever is written in there, I have come to understand the many nuances of the Little Girls rooms all across campus. A trip to the potty is often as inspirational and uplifting as a viewing of "Akeelah and the Bee". Contrary to what Tina Fey would have us (and my dad) believe through the movie "Mean Girls" these writings are far from a burn book. Here is an exerpt from the 5th floor of O'Neill (fourth stall)

I tend to not feel my most beautiful while in a bathroom stall in the library, so this author really understood when to capture her audience!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Yes, we know...

Finals suck.
Because so far I thought they've been all rainbows, unicorns, and Mark Wahlberg (much like the life of my friend Kathy Geiss). So the creators of Tale of Two Titties just wanted to validate your feelings and let you know that we know they suck, but more importantly enough with the facebook statuses! Thanks for informing us that you are "perishing" or that your "brain = mush", but there are more interesting things you can tell us about. For instance: your top dilfs (or milfs, whatever) or cool videos you found online.
So thanks for the life stories.

the Many Dilfs of D. Daggins

Some things grow better with age. No, I'm not talking about the block of cheese that Wednesday Addams has left in our fridge since the beginning of school, I'm referring to Hollywood's aging A list men. I have my own, (almost mutually exclusive) list of my favorite Dads I'd Like to...

5. Clint Eastwood--NOT 78 year old Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino (though he was oddly attractive). This is 53 year old Dirty Harry from Sudden Impact. I would have loved to be around in 1979 for him to "Go ahead, make my day"

4. Pierce Brosnan--Though it is impossible for anyone to Hold a candle to the suave, sexy, sophisticated Sean Connery in Goldfinger or even in Darby O'Gill and the Little People, Brosnan comes close. He even belted out the songs like a pro in Mama Mia!

3. Paul Newman--Yes, my partner and I wholly agree on the sexual lure of the ghost of Paul Newman.

2. Johnny Depp--How could I not be turned on by the versatility of Sweeny Todd/Edward Scissorhands/Gay Pirate/Michael Jackson-esque-version-of-Willy-Wonka?

1. Robert Downey Jr.--What do I say? I'll let the two Oscar nominations and his ability to play both black AND white speak for themselves

Monday, December 13, 2010

Bring it on.

I'm not going to make any rash accusations here, but there seems to be an overlap of material and BC's most popular blog, BrostonCollege, and ours.

chafe-finding the right mod


Ours was created 2 days sooner? If BrostonCollege's 600th post happens to resemble our 13th out of sheer coincidence, then BRAVO, great minds think alike. 

If not, then BRAVO nonetheless, because people are actually reading our unloved bastard child of a blog

Bus Driver Appreciation Day

Situation: mid-conversation, between two people soon after being introduced to one another.

Person A: Now what profession are you in?
Person B: Oh, I am a financial analyst
Person A: That's interesting but math and management never caught my interest, where do you work?
Person B: I work in downtown chicago, but not the part where I am going to get shot, its actually really nice. Where do you work?
Person A: My job is actually great, it allows me to travel and see all parts of the world, and help people in their daily lives get from one destination to another safely.
Person B: Oh wow, when I was a little boy I alway dreamed of being a pilot, what airline do you work for?
Person A: I am not pilot, sorry for the confusion, I am actually a bus driver.
Person B: (look of superiority falls upon his face) Oh....

Their jobs constitute the same objective: getting people from one place to another safely. So heres the big question: why are bus drivers looked down upon, while pilots are idolized?
Exactly, in truth bus drivers are just pilots of the earth. The fine fellows that navigate Commonwealth Ave., St. Thomas Moore Rd., and Beacon St. get me to my destinations safely 'er day, navigating around the crazy Boston drivers and through the rain, snow, and sun.

So here is to you Bus Drivers / Pilots of the Earth today is your day!

Remember to thank your pilot of the earth today. And never discourage your child from dreaming big! They could some day charter the Peter Pan Bus, you just wait and see. 

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Who'd You rather? Celebrity Stoner

Who would you rather take bong hits with? Miley Cyrus or Michael Phelps?

Things to consider: Miley's voice becoming MORE annoying
Michael Phelps acting MORE mentally challenged than usual
Billy Ray finding out and dealing his own brand of Southern-style personal justice

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Tri-Solo-CupTournament

Do you ever feel like a drunken trip through the mods eerily resembles the maze at the end of "The Shining" or "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"? To help those poor unfortunate souls, we shall post a map of this endearing neighborhood and give cheat codes of how to get past the obstacles that block us college students from a night of drunken debauchery.
Notice: There is no Mod 1
There may be a subliminal message hidden in the pattern of mods to unlock the national treasure buried by Father Leahy in the days of yore

After passing the BCPD and answering the riddle "how many drinks have you had tonight?" unleash your wand to banish the crowds of drunk kids you know but did not wish to see on this particular evening.

You must then decide whether the secret entrance to the Modular lies at the front door or the glass sliding door in back. Do you wish to knock and ring until your knuckles no longer bear it? Or do you wish to be that person that peers in creepily through the glass only to realize that there are only 8 people in the common room. The choice is yours, but at the end of the evening, these tips will hopefully make you the Tri-Solo-cup winner!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Don't Call it a Comeback: Mel Gibson

After Mel's tubulant, Racist, sexist, and anti-Semitic antics the past couple of years, I firmly believe that he needs a Mickey Rourke or better yet--Robert Downey Jr. style comeback. Yes, he is a past Oscar winner for Braveheart and garnered a holier-than-thou reputation for the Passion of the Christ, but he is going to undo his DUI charges and win back his real life wife after this next masterpiece comes out.

Ex child prostitute Jodie Foster has had her share of Fucked up movie roles (Taxi Driver and Silence of the Lambs) so she is well suited to act alongside Lucifer himself, Mel Gibson. Though playing a mentally disturbed has-been may seem like a stretch for Mel, I am thoroughly convinced that he is mature enough for this role.

In The Beaver, a depressed toy company CEO finds an outlet for his emotions with a dingy beaver hand puppet found in a dumpster. Mel Gibson and a hand puppet with a Cockney accent! Great success. Watch the trailer to comprehend the complexities of this film fully.

I'm calling it right now: this movie will be nominated for SOME Oscar (granted it is released in time)

Written by Dildo Daggins

Top Five Tshirts to land you on the Sex Offender Registry

Sometimes we all like to indulge our inner perverted, middle school boy selves. Who doesn't like to occasionally laugh at a reference to "Gerbiling" or the fabled "Cleveland Steamer"? Bad Idea Tshirts takes these guilty pleasures to a new, aggressive, and hi-fucking-larious level by putting these quiet dirty jokes on tshirts to be displayed proudly (all for the reasonable price of $7.50)! The idea of someone actually wearing some of these is pretty far fetched, but if someone grew a satchel and went for the most offensive possible, These are the top five they would choose:

5. She's Fat I'm Drunk It's on!

4.Santa is Coming!

3.I'm getting pretty good at masturbating

2.Ass, The other Vagina

1.Penis Tshirt
This one is soooo offensive (more so than the chronic masturbating claims and anal sex references) that this is the preview that BadIdeaT's posts in the offensive shirts gallery

Thanks to this company, you  no longer need a real boner to pull the "tucked vertically into the waistband trick"!

Beam me up scottie!

When you listen into peoples conversations (sometimes obviously, like myself, or sometimes a little more slyly) you tend to hear the most entertaining things.

Case in point: While sitting comfortably in hillside this fine morning (yo prof thanks for getting the flu), enjoying the ultimate bitch drink, SSFVL, with my friend Daggins a fine blue collar middle age maintenance man turns to his friend to say:
"I'm like that alien that gets back on the starship and says 'screw those earthlings, there's nothing you can do for them."

I hope that's not in reference to me,  but even so bud, the Star Trek years are long gone. 

And as I have no shame in listening in, I will continue to  provide you with snip its of many conversations that are "overheard"on the heights. 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

How to handle your wand--By Harry Potter

Few things entertain us more than the Harry Potter franchise and crude sexual jokes. Of course with this emerging market for entertainment, some video editor deemed it worth his time to splice sounds and clips from the movies to bring you this video! The sexual jokes and subtext within the series aren't always exactly hard to come by, so there was no shortage of material here.

Video discovered by: Wednesday Addams
Posted By: Dildo Daggins

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Meryl Streep

If there is anything that bloggers Addams and Daggins like to do, it's identify people that we find offensive and sway people to join our opinions with our well founded arguments (law school, here we come)

In light of the oscars approaching, there are a few things that can always be counted on:
The host will make awkward, ill-timed jokes
The gay men interviewing on the red carpet will offend the celebreties (a la Isaac Mizrahi and Scarlett Johansson's boob)
Meryl Streep will be nominated for some absurd role

Though Meryl has had a successful career and is certainly more talented than stars like Megan Fox (sorry boys) and Mariah Carey, the accolates she recieves are far too excessive. If anyone has ever seen her in more than one of her movies, you can see some common threads. Meryl loves to stretch a little and take rolls where she can flaunt her acting chops. By this I mean that she finds a way to include a goofy accent in nearly EVERY role. Her performances are so overstylized and cartoonish that I can't watch them without getting distracted (read "want to slap her") Sophie's Choice is almost unbearable beacuse of her terrible broken English, In Julie and Julia she was nominated for the Oscar with an arguably worse performance than Dan Aykroyd on SNL. Even in The The Deer Hunter, Meryl finds a way to make a working class woman from Pennsylvania sound like an extra in the movie Fargo.

The worst part is, many people can't see through these "scenery-chewing" performances. As everyone cracks jokes about her 16 nominations and her status as the greatest of our time, Meryl merely throws her head back in laughter or makes a face saying "who, me?" Please. She cannot hold a candle to past greats like Katharine Hepburn and Liz Taylor, or even current stars like Kate Winslet and Hilary Swank (who, by the way, has the same number of W's as "the greatest of all time")

In short. NONE OF THESE are amusing!

Saturday, December 4, 2010


Like Dads? Samsies.
Blogger, Wednesday Addams',  descending order of the top dilfs.

5) Bert, Although getting injured on a BC sports team sucks the training room provides some nice eye candy.
4) Antonio Bendaras, ooh muy caliente
3) Dennis Quaid, All it will take is twin gingers to bring us together
2) Kevin Costner, He wasn't the only one who got wet durning Waterworld
1) Paul Newman, Although he has passed you can still have some of his juices, and the proceeds go to charity.

Honorable Mentions: Liam Neeson, Johnny Depp, Robert Redford, Tim Daly, Christopher Meloni

By all means....

One of my personal favorite websites is snacksandshit.com. Read all of the posts. I mean ALL of them. Try to do it without soiling your pants with laughter. This website proves that our nation's inner city schools are producing more successful individuals than previously believed.

"By all means I keep my balls clean"

--Kevin the Dude

Thursday, December 2, 2010

He Bangs He Bangs

He fancies himself to be like Chingy, and a noted fan of Pokemon (favorite character: Pikachu). The N-Town (North Khartoum) boy, Magomu Mbita, moved from the Sudan to Egypt at age eleven and two year later to Australia. It is here that his musical genius and powerpoint (as seen in the video's background) skills took the Youtube world by storm, with the hit, I'll Take You To the Movies. In the immortal words of William Hung he BANGS! he BANGS!

Room Raiders

To ponder:
Would you rather have your mom find a bong or dildo under your bed?

Things to Consider:
- Does it require AA batteries or a G from your dealer, Andu?
- Mom is an ex-hippie,
-Your Grandmother is Sue Johanson

It was the best of times

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of drudgery, it was the age of ruthlessness, it was the era of single lady clowns, it was the era of sexy time, there were seasons of Kardashians , seasons of Teen Mom, it was the spring of killer tans, it was the winter of vitamin D deficiency, we had All- American before us, we had dead fucking last before us, we were all going directly to Heaven, some were going directly the other way, this period is unlike any before it, even the crankiest grandmas and emo-est teens, could agree, for good or for evil, this is the pinnacle, it all goes down from here.