About Me

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of drudgery, it was the age of ruthlessness, it was the era of single lady clowns, it was the era of sexy time, there were seasons of Kardashians , seasons of Teen Mom, it was the spring of killer tans, it was the winter of vitamin D deficiency, we had All- American before us, we had dead fucking last before us, we were all going directly to Heaven, some were going directly the other way, this period is unlike any before it, even the crankiest grandmas and emo-est teens, could agree, for good or for evil, this is the pinnacle, it all goes down from here.

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Sunday, January 2, 2011

New Years Resolutions--By Dildo Daggins

New Year's Eve isn't merely about hosting a slizzard-fest in my newly re-carpeted basement. It's a chance to turn over a new leaf and begin the next 365 days with a clean slate and aspire to become the best person I can be! For most people this means purchasing a Costco size package of niccotiene gum, taking a break for beating your maid, or crowding MY gym for the first fortnight of January (the weak ones fortunately drop off quickly)

My New Years resolutions deviate slightly from the norm, but I hope to cover the many areas of my life that I deem important.

5) Hit up the lipyunj (aka library) only enough to graduate from my position as "laziest bum at BC" and to see Cory get kicked out for public masturbating

4) Refrain from some of the crude and perverted humor that I have been publicly indulging in on an increasing scale as of late. Fear not, I shall remain as verbose and inappropriate as ever under my blogging pen name "Dildo Daggins" and in the privacy of Mordor, where I reside.

3) Watch at least 75 of the American Film Institute's Top 100 Films   I'm already at 45 so let's gooooo!

2)Work on having a sprinter booty so I can run like a supple young 20 year old instead of the Grandma that I am. Best case scenario: I qualify for nationals and don't have to attend my brother's Confirmation!

1) This was on last year's list, and it is fairly all encompassing--
"Be less of a bitch"

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