First of all, sorry to our devoted fans for the extended hiatus from our blog. We were enjoying much time in the crypt (bed) over break and watching numerous movies, including Miracle and the Lord of the Rings trilogy (more on this later)
Our Miracle watching experience was riddled with jokes about our own pathetic experiences with Division I sports. Everyone loves a good inspirational sport movie, but we found this one EXTRA applicable to our own lives.
The tale starts when coach RT sets out to find the perfect team to bring pride to BC. (You can exchange the names Herb Brooks and USA if you'd like) He flies in athletes from all over the country. Chicago, Newton Highlands, etc. After brief deliberation of one day he decides upon the perfect dream team. (in Dildo Daggins's case he decided in one recruiting call). Athletic director Gene Del Falupo must have questioned RT's seemingly reckless choices with a conversation parallel to Herb's
Gene: You picked these two already? You brought in some of the best recruits in the country: Shelby Greaney, Emily Jones...And you sign Dildo Daggins and Wednesday Addams?!?!
RT: I'm not looking for the best runners. I'm looking for the right runners.
[RT walks off with an air of defiance]
Troubles soon arose within the team. Rivals from the Midwest and Boston clashed like Sauron and Gandalf's armies. I remember like it was yesterday when I met my partner in crime/roommate at the Nike Outdoor Nationals track meet in June 2009. The following dialogue is accurate:
Daggins: Hey are you Wednesday Addams? I'm going to be on your team next year at BC. I saw you won the four mile relay. Your team did great!
Addams: [gloriously bored] Cool.
Daggins: Ok...good luck with your next race and see you in the fall!
After a few training montages, we learned to become a family, and Coach RT may have shed a few tears when our love was finally presented to him. "I'm Dildo Daggins. I'm from Chicago. and I run for BC"
Though not all times were good. We have suffered many DFL's and ass whuppins. Praise de lawd for those training montages though. The two of us scrubs were merely one DMX song away from making the transformation from iron deficiency to resume-boosing "National Champion" status once again. Instead of spending weeks and months in the plex pool and the harsh elements outdoor, we merely had to suffer through a quickly spliced together montage. Editing FTW!
All of this is meaningless though without our final showdown against the evil communists (Providence's slower runners) coached by Igor Karkaroff. The underdogs had been shat upon for days leading up to the competition, but the troops prevailed (somewhat) Hopefully our story has not come to an end yet, seeing as the two of us have yet to succeed Herb Brooks style in college. We shall keep you updated on our future successes and our blogular goings-on.
- A Tale of Two Titties
- It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of drudgery, it was the age of ruthlessness, it was the era of single lady clowns, it was the era of sexy time, there were seasons of Kardashians , seasons of Teen Mom, it was the spring of killer tans, it was the winter of vitamin D deficiency, we had All- American before us, we had dead fucking last before us, we were all going directly to Heaven, some were going directly the other way, this period is unlike any before it, even the crankiest grandmas and emo-est teens, could agree, for good or for evil, this is the pinnacle, it all goes down from here.