Finals suck.
Really?
Because so far I thought they've been all rainbows, unicorns, and Mark Wahlberg (much like the life of my friend Kathy Geiss). So the creators of Tale of Two Titties just wanted to validate your feelings and let you know that we know they suck, but more importantly enough with the facebook statuses! Thanks for informing us that you are "perishing" or that your "brain = mush", but there are more interesting things you can tell us about. For instance: your top dilfs (or milfs, whatever) or cool videos you found online.
So thanks for the life stories.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
the Many Dilfs of D. Daggins
Some things grow better with age. No, I'm not talking about the block of cheese that Wednesday Addams has left in our fridge since the beginning of school, I'm referring to Hollywood's aging A list men. I have my own, (almost mutually exclusive) list of my favorite Dads I'd Like to...
5. Clint Eastwood--NOT 78 year old Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino (though he was oddly attractive). This is 53 year old Dirty Harry from Sudden Impact. I would have loved to be around in 1979 for him to "Go ahead, make my day"
4. Pierce Brosnan--Though it is impossible for anyone to Hold a candle to the suave, sexy, sophisticated Sean Connery in Goldfinger or even in Darby O'Gill and the Little People, Brosnan comes close. He even belted out the songs like a pro in Mama Mia!
3. Paul Newman--Yes, my partner and I wholly agree on the sexual lure of the ghost of Paul Newman.
2. Johnny Depp--How could I not be turned on by the versatility of Sweeny Todd/Edward Scissorhands/Gay Pirate/Michael Jackson-esque-version-of-Willy-Wonka?
1. Robert Downey Jr.--What do I say? I'll let the two Oscar nominations and his ability to play both black AND white speak for themselves
5. Clint Eastwood--NOT 78 year old Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino (though he was oddly attractive). This is 53 year old Dirty Harry from Sudden Impact. I would have loved to be around in 1979 for him to "Go ahead, make my day"
4. Pierce Brosnan--Though it is impossible for anyone to Hold a candle to the suave, sexy, sophisticated Sean Connery in Goldfinger or even in Darby O'Gill and the Little People, Brosnan comes close. He even belted out the songs like a pro in Mama Mia!
3. Paul Newman--Yes, my partner and I wholly agree on the sexual lure of the ghost of Paul Newman.
2. Johnny Depp--How could I not be turned on by the versatility of Sweeny Todd/Edward Scissorhands/Gay Pirate/Michael Jackson-esque-version-of-Willy-Wonka?
1. Robert Downey Jr.--What do I say? I'll let the two Oscar nominations and his ability to play both black AND white speak for themselves
Monday, December 13, 2010
Bring it on.
I'm not going to make any rash accusations here, but there seems to be an overlap of material and BC's most popular blog, BrostonCollege, and ours.
chafe-finding the right mod
http://absoluttoast.blogspot.com/2010/12/tri-solo-cuptournament.html
Ours was created 2 days sooner? If BrostonCollege's 600th post happens to resemble our 13th out of sheer coincidence, then BRAVO, great minds think alike.
If not, then BRAVO nonetheless, because people are actually reading our unloved bastard child of a blog
chafe-finding the right mod
http://absoluttoast.blogspot.com/2010/12/tri-solo-cuptournament.html
Ours was created 2 days sooner? If BrostonCollege's 600th post happens to resemble our 13th out of sheer coincidence, then BRAVO, great minds think alike.
If not, then BRAVO nonetheless, because people are actually reading our unloved bastard child of a blog
Bus Driver Appreciation Day
Situation: mid-conversation, between two people soon after being introduced to one another.
Person A: Now what profession are you in?
Person B: Oh, I am a financial analyst
Person A: That's interesting but math and management never caught my interest, where do you work?
Person B: I work in downtown chicago, but not the part where I am going to get shot, its actually really nice. Where do you work?
Person A: My job is actually great, it allows me to travel and see all parts of the world, and help people in their daily lives get from one destination to another safely.
Person B: Oh wow, when I was a little boy I alway dreamed of being a pilot, what airline do you work for?
Person A: I am not pilot, sorry for the confusion, I am actually a bus driver.
Person B: (look of superiority falls upon his face) Oh....
Their jobs constitute the same objective: getting people from one place to another safely. So heres the big question: why are bus drivers looked down upon, while pilots are idolized?
Exactly, in truth bus drivers are just pilots of the earth. The fine fellows that navigate Commonwealth Ave., St. Thomas Moore Rd., and Beacon St. get me to my destinations safely 'er day, navigating around the crazy Boston drivers and through the rain, snow, and sun.
So here is to you Bus Drivers / Pilots of the Earth today is your day!
Remember to thank your pilot of the earth today. And never discourage your child from dreaming big! They could some day charter the Peter Pan Bus, you just wait and see.
Person A: Now what profession are you in?
Person B: Oh, I am a financial analyst
Person A: That's interesting but math and management never caught my interest, where do you work?
Person B: I work in downtown chicago, but not the part where I am going to get shot, its actually really nice. Where do you work?
Person A: My job is actually great, it allows me to travel and see all parts of the world, and help people in their daily lives get from one destination to another safely.
Person B: Oh wow, when I was a little boy I alway dreamed of being a pilot, what airline do you work for?
Person A: I am not pilot, sorry for the confusion, I am actually a bus driver.
Person B: (look of superiority falls upon his face) Oh....
Their jobs constitute the same objective: getting people from one place to another safely. So heres the big question: why are bus drivers looked down upon, while pilots are idolized?
Exactly, in truth bus drivers are just pilots of the earth. The fine fellows that navigate Commonwealth Ave., St. Thomas Moore Rd., and Beacon St. get me to my destinations safely 'er day, navigating around the crazy Boston drivers and through the rain, snow, and sun.
So here is to you Bus Drivers / Pilots of the Earth today is your day!
Remember to thank your pilot of the earth today. And never discourage your child from dreaming big! They could some day charter the Peter Pan Bus, you just wait and see.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Who'd You rather? Celebrity Stoner
Who would you rather take bong hits with? Miley Cyrus or Michael Phelps?
Things to consider: Miley's voice becoming MORE annoying
Michael Phelps acting MORE mentally challenged than usual
Billy Ray finding out and dealing his own brand of Southern-style personal justice
Things to consider: Miley's voice becoming MORE annoying
Michael Phelps acting MORE mentally challenged than usual
Billy Ray finding out and dealing his own brand of Southern-style personal justice
Friday, December 10, 2010
The Tri-Solo-CupTournament
Do you ever feel like a drunken trip through the mods eerily resembles the maze at the end of "The Shining" or "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"? To help those poor unfortunate souls, we shall post a map of this endearing neighborhood and give cheat codes of how to get past the obstacles that block us college students from a night of drunken debauchery.
Notice: There is no Mod 1
There may be a subliminal message hidden in the pattern of mods to unlock the national treasure buried by Father Leahy in the days of yore
After passing the BCPD and answering the riddle "how many drinks have you had tonight?" unleash your wand to banish the crowds of drunk kids you know but did not wish to see on this particular evening.
You must then decide whether the secret entrance to the Modular lies at the front door or the glass sliding door in back. Do you wish to knock and ring until your knuckles no longer bear it? Or do you wish to be that person that peers in creepily through the glass only to realize that there are only 8 people in the common room. The choice is yours, but at the end of the evening, these tips will hopefully make you the Tri-Solo-cup winner!
There may be a subliminal message hidden in the pattern of mods to unlock the national treasure buried by Father Leahy in the days of yore
After passing the BCPD and answering the riddle "how many drinks have you had tonight?" unleash your wand to banish the crowds of drunk kids you know but did not wish to see on this particular evening.
You must then decide whether the secret entrance to the Modular lies at the front door or the glass sliding door in back. Do you wish to knock and ring until your knuckles no longer bear it? Or do you wish to be that person that peers in creepily through the glass only to realize that there are only 8 people in the common room. The choice is yours, but at the end of the evening, these tips will hopefully make you the Tri-Solo-cup winner!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Don't Call it a Comeback: Mel Gibson
After Mel's tubulant, Racist, sexist, and anti-Semitic antics the past couple of years, I firmly believe that he needs a Mickey Rourke or better yet--Robert Downey Jr. style comeback. Yes, he is a past Oscar winner for Braveheart and garnered a holier-than-thou reputation for the Passion of the Christ, but he is going to undo his DUI charges and win back his real life wife after this next masterpiece comes out.
Ex child prostitute Jodie Foster has had her share of Fucked up movie roles (Taxi Driver and Silence of the Lambs) so she is well suited to act alongside Lucifer himself, Mel Gibson. Though playing a mentally disturbed has-been may seem like a stretch for Mel, I am thoroughly convinced that he is mature enough for this role.
In The Beaver, a depressed toy company CEO finds an outlet for his emotions with a dingy beaver hand puppet found in a dumpster. Mel Gibson and a hand puppet with a Cockney accent! Great success. Watch the trailer to comprehend the complexities of this film fully.
I'm calling it right now: this movie will be nominated for SOME Oscar (granted it is released in time)
Written by Dildo Daggins
Ex child prostitute Jodie Foster has had her share of Fucked up movie roles (Taxi Driver and Silence of the Lambs) so she is well suited to act alongside Lucifer himself, Mel Gibson. Though playing a mentally disturbed has-been may seem like a stretch for Mel, I am thoroughly convinced that he is mature enough for this role.
In The Beaver, a depressed toy company CEO finds an outlet for his emotions with a dingy beaver hand puppet found in a dumpster. Mel Gibson and a hand puppet with a Cockney accent! Great success. Watch the trailer to comprehend the complexities of this film fully.
I'm calling it right now: this movie will be nominated for SOME Oscar (granted it is released in time)
Written by Dildo Daggins
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